Behind Blue Eyes
by TheGreenBook
Summary: Formally "Uninvited." This title will change with every chapter until the last chapter is posted. This is a small collection of song fics connected with a little plot. Various pairings will be explored. Please enjoy and review!
1. Chapter 1: Uninvited

**Author's Note: Welcome! So here is my surprise. I have always loved song fics and wanted to try a few. This is a one shot for now simply because I don't have chapter two written. I will be changing the title with every chapter so make sure to sign up for alerts. Please tell me what you thought about this. I haven't written a song fic in a long time so I hope I have done it right!**

**This might get a tad bit racy, but if it goes anywhere near sex, i'll change the rating to M. Read and Review, please?**

**Permanent Disclaimer: I own none of these characters and I do not own the songs used in each chapter.**

**Song Credit: "Uninvited" by Alanis Morissette**

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><p><strong>Chapter 1: Uninvited<strong>

Tessa Grey was sitting in her room reading when there was a knock on the door. Sophie would have announced herself, as would Charlotte. It couldn't have been Jem, who was currently playing the violin in his room across the hall. Henry would have no reason to come to her room at all, and neither would Jessamine. Whoever had come to the door wanted to remain anonymous.

Tessa stood up, crossed the room, and opened the door. A boy with dark hair stood there, trembling as though frightened. She had last seen him up on the roof, when he had kissed her and then suggested they carry on a secret affair. He had wanted her for only one thing... or had he?

"Tess," Will said. His voice cracked the way Jem's had when he told her that the right man wouldn't care and Tessa had to wonder who Jem was talking about. Will wore his bravado stamped across his chest, but now, all of the bravado was gone. He had missed dinner, and now stood before her, drenched with water and unnerved at being in her presence.

"You're going to catch a cold," Tessa said.

"I need to talk to you. Alone. Please, Tessa," Will said. "Meet me in the attic in ten minutes. It's imperative that…" He looked down the hallway, and then stepped closer. "I need this to be kept a secret."

"I don't want to be your little secret," Tessa said.

Will reached up and touched her cheek with his first two fingers.

"I don't want you to be my secret either," Will whispered. "Meet me upstairs."

Will turned and walked down the hallway. He turned back once, gave Tessa a nod, and disappeared.

It would be more of the same. Tessa would allow herself to desire Will; they might even kiss, and then Will would find another way to push her away. Love would never work between them, but that fact didn't stop Tessa from wanting to try anyway. She desired Will in a way that was improper. She had never felt this way for someone before, and certainly not a man, but she had found herself wanting to be with Will, anyway possible. She pictured them reading together in the Library and carrying on intellectually stimulating conversations in the garden.

Tessa ran a hand up the side of her neck and let herself wonder thing about Will's body. Did he have a spot that, when touched, made his heart skip a beat? When that happened, did his chest flush with warmth? What did his voice sound like when he spoke through a gasp? Did he prefer to close his eyes when he was with a girl, and let himself feel? Or, did he open his eyes so he could watch everything? She had only seen the faint white scars on his neck. Did he have more? Would his body tell the stories that he would not?

_Like anyone would be__  
><em>_I am flattered by your fascination with me__  
><em>_Like any hot-blooded woman__  
><em>_I have simply wanted an object to crave_

It was improper to have these sorts of thoughts, and Tessa knew it. Will had suggested that they meet in secret and spend their time together avoiding detection. He wanted her for sex and while there was a chance it could become more than just sex, Will had made it clear that he used girls and that his heart belonged to himself.

Tessa should have wanted to court, to get married, and then be with Will in the manner in which he had suggested, but instead, she wanted to skip ahead to the last part. She wanted to forget about marriage and instead fling herself into a frivolous, passionate affair.

She shouldn't have been having these thoughts, but two fiery kisses between she and Will had changed things.

_But you, you're not allowed__  
><em>_You're uninvited__  
><em>_An unfortunate slight_

Will was sitting on a steamer trunk when Tessa walked up the attic stairs. He was staring at the floor, which was still stained with blood. The rest of the evidence from that night had evaporated. Tessa could still recall the first touch of Will's lips against hers. His body had been aflame with a fever, and when their lips moved together, she felt her face became warm from how close he was to her. They were drawn together in the most perfect way, but perfection never lasted.

"Will," Tessa whispered. Will looked up, and then leapt to his feet.

"There's a sofa we can sit on… or we could sit on the truck, or…." Will said.

"It's getting late," Tessa said. "What did you need to say to me?"

Will took a deep breath and looked down at the floor. He began to say something, starting with "Tess…" but stopped. He used to be so self assured. If he was ever in danger of saying the wrong thing, he would say it anyway, because saying nothing at all was worse than giving the wrong response. Tessa had liked that about Will. He was fearless and she had grown to admire that suicidal quality about him, but this new behavior… this was unexpected.

Will opened his mouth and closed it several times. He blushed, touched the back of his neck, and gave Tessa an embarrassed smile. He was clearly uncomfortable, and more than that, vulnerable.

"Will," Tessa said. "What's the matter?"

_Must be strangely exciting__  
><em>_To watch the stoic squirm__  
><em>_Must be somewhat heartening__  
><em>_To watch shepherd need shepherded_

"I find you intriguing, Tessa," Will said. "I hope that much is obvious."

Tessa nodded and crossed her arms. She had said too much before, and refused to give Will what he wanted, whatever that may be.

"I never wanted to fall in love, because falling in love means letting your defenses down. I refuse to let my defenses down, but I also think that you, Tessa… might not be a threat," Will said. "You might be able to be something. We could sit together at meals. We could read together, and take walks, and… I could love you, if I allowed myself to."

"But I can't have children. I'm a warlock. I'm only good for frivolous sex," Tessa snapped.

"Stop," Will said. He walked over and touched her cheek again. His left hand rested on her waist, and when Tessa looked into Will's eyes, she stared back.

_But you, you're not allowed__  
><em>_You're uninvited__  
><em>_An unfortunate slight_

"I don't want you to be my secret," Will said. "I want everyone to know about us."

He closed his eyes then, leaned forward, and kissed Tessa on the lips. Tessa closed her eyes and kissed back, letting her arms rest on his broad shoulders. Will reached down and pulled her waist close to his. Everything felt so vivid and real. Tessa felt shared warmth and a pulling sensation that made her want to press her body to Will's and feel all of the muscles and skin he kept covered with his clothing.

Will nudged Tessa with his hip and she took a step back. Her legs were feeling wobbly, so she sat down on the sofa, grabbed Will's hand, and pulled him down beside her. Will cupped her cheek lightly with his palm and kissed her again. He left his eyes open, wary, still assessing her as a threat.

"Why?" Tessa asked.

"I don't know why. I just want to know everything about you," Will said. "I want you to know everything about me." Tessa opened her mouth, prepared to ask the first question that popped into her mind, and then closed it again. It was better to live in this dream than to know reality.

"My favorite color is red," Tessa said, "what's yours?"

"Green," Will said. He kissed her again.

"Who was Cecily?" Tessa asked.

Will pulled away from Tessa but didn't leave the couch. He looked away for a second, his mind clearly vacillating between truth and lie. Then he turned back to Tessa and took her hand.

"She was my little sister," Will said. "She died when she was three. I'm not ready to talk about it with you, but I will. Just not right now."

"Fair enough."

"You want to know what other girl could have been with me. You want to know what happened to her, and why I'm not with her now," Will said.

"You don't have to say…" Tessa said.

"I've loved before," Will said, "but never like this. There was someone, yes, but it wasn't permanent, or, it couldn't have been. It would have only been temporary. Not like this. I could have you forever, Tessa, if I only allowed myself to. It's maddening, to have something in your grasp, and know that it is so close to slipping away. But with you, Tessa, I can justify insanity."

_Like any uncharted territory__  
><em>_I must seem greatly intriguing__  
><em>_You speak of my love like__  
><em>_You have experienced love like mine before_

They resumed kissing as they lay back on the sofa. The attic got warm so Will removed his shirt. Tessa ran her hands down the pale skin of his chest. Their kisses and touches had aroused him, but Tessa ignored it, despite the knowledge of Will's desire for her now on display. He was weak, as all men were, when faced with a woman they had feeling for. It was arousing to know that she had this affect on him. She could make Will desire her in the way she desired him.

She shouldn't have.

Tessa remained in her dress, but Will moved a hand up her skirts. He caressed her inner thighs with his fingers, moving closer and closer to the very personal place between her legs, as they kissed harder and passionately. Tessa's heart pounded and her chest heaved with light gasps. Will bent his head down and ran his lips over the top of her breast. He took the strap of her dress, pulled it aside with one hand, and brought one of her nipples to light. He smirked as he flicked his tongue over it, and then did the same to the other side, never breaking eye contact.

It was wrong. They shouldn't have been doing this.

Will moaned as he pressed himself against her thigh. She understood how he was feeling. They both ached for a release, but at the same time neither was ready for it. It was more than just sex. It would have to be. I didn't have to be.

Tessa spread her thighs in one moment and closed them in the next. Will was mumbling her name as he kissed her neck.

"I want you, Tessa," Will whispered. "I desire you… more than I should. We shouldn't be together this way. You shouldn't be with me."

"I want to be with you, and you… you want to be with me," Tessa said.

_But this is not allowed__  
><em>_You're uninvited__  
><em>_An unfortunate slight_

"It can be our secret," Will said. "Everyone can know we're together, but as for us being intimate… no one has to know."

Tessa lay back against Will's arm and ran her fingers down his chest. This was the same as before, and yet different. They could have had something, but Will wanted to keep that something a secret.

Will was dangerous and even more so when he displayed this kind behavior. There was no telling what was going through his mind. Tessa knew she shouldn't have let it get this far, and knew she shouldn't have even come upstairs, but there was something about Will that she wanted to discover, more than anything.

_I don't think you unworthy__  
><em>_But I need a moment to deliberate_

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><p><strong>Author's Note: Thoughts? Reviews and critiques are always welcome!<strong>


	2. Chapter 2: Behind Blue Eyes

**Author's Note: The more you review, the quicker I'll update! Thanks to everyone who enjoyed Chapter 1. Here's Chapter 2! I had another version of this song and it always reminded me of Will. I hope it doesn't seem… cheesy.**

**Song Credit: The Who.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 2: Behind Blue Eyes<strong>

When it came time to leave the attic, Will sent Tessa downstairs first, not wanting her to be seen with him. Although the chances of anyone seeing them together at this late hour were slim, Will didn't want to take any chances. It felt as though he and Tessa had crossed a gaping chasm together, and were now on the other side, wishing they could go back to as it was before.

Before. Everything was always before. It couldn't be in the present or near future. Everything was always better before. Before Will had come to the Institute, life had been easy and predictable. Before Cecily had perished, Will's parents had loved him. Before was much better than right now, or someday. Before was… before.

The witch light sconces in the hallway were brighter than they should have been as Will walked into the hallway where he and Jem's rooms were located. Will's eyes following the stately line of closed doors down either side of the hallway. His gaze stopped at the one door on the right, which was open. Light blazed out of the room like a raging fire burned inside. Shadows distorted the light and cast themselves on the door to Tessa's room. Will wished desperately for before, when he was up in the attic and it was just he and Tessa and Jem was nothing more than a tiny thought in the back of his mind.

Will walked down the hallway and stopped outside of the door to Jem's room. Henry was holding Jem in his arms as Charlotte pulled bloodstained sheets off the bed. They were both dressed in pajamas and looked odd and unwelcome in Jem's room. This room had always been Will's safe haven. Sophie was the only other person who spent time in Jem's room and that was because she had to change the bed sheets and collect Jem's laundry. Charlotte and Henry never entered Jem's room unless they had to.

Charlotte handed the sheets to Sophie, who tossed them into a basket. She looked up at Will, a cold, emotionally dead expression on her face. Sophie did the laundry at the Institute. When Jem soaked his sheets through with blood from another attack, Sophie was the one who bleached the sheets back to their pristine white.

Sophie's hair was a mess, hastily pulled up from her face. A light feathering of blood was brushed across the front of her white dressing gown. Her eyes filled with tears as she glared at Will. She didn't have to blame him for this. Her expression spoke volumes the same way his father's had. Will had done wrong. Sophie didn't need to scold him.

"Where were you?" Sophie demanded, quietly. Of course. Jem was unconscious but he could still hear. It was best to not let him overhear Sophie blaming Will for this. It wasn't Will's fault, but the aftermath of it was. It should have never gone this far. Will should have stopped it long before now. "He needed you, Will."

Will crossed the room and stood beside Henry. He reached down and took Jem from Henry, holding him up off the bed so that Charlotte could lay down fresh, crisp white sheets. Jem's body was fever hot in Will's arms. He was breathing unevenly and painfully. Jem needed to wake up and cough up all of the blood that had drained in his lungs, but right now, he was unconscious, and would be for some time. Blood was drying across Jem's cheeks and nostrils. His lips were stained with it and his skin was a grayish white. It was Jem's attack, but Will's responsibility.

"Leave him to me," Will said. He laid Jem back down on the bed. "I can handle cleaning up. Please, leave now." Will rolled up the sleeves on his shirt as Charlotte and Henry studied him. They pitied him and didn't have to say that either. "Please." Will felt dangerously close to crying, as he always did whenever Jem almost died but somehow lived. "Please."

"You couldn't have prevented this," Charlotte said. She touched Will on the arm and accidentally left behind a smudge of blood. Will looked down at the red liquid staining his pale skin and didn't reply.

Before, Charlotte and Henry had explained everything to Will. Jem was addicted to an awful substance. His only treatment was the pen that would sign his death warrant. There was nothing Will could do to save Jem from what his future would contain. Will stood at Jem's side every day and had lay down beside him in the same bed at night on more than one occasion. Charlotte and Henry could empathize with Jem's plight and Will's endurance of it, but they would never understand what it was like to be in Will's position. Will loved Jem. If Jem was to die… no one would understand how that would feel.

_No one knows what it's like__  
><em>_To be the bad man__  
><em>_To be the sad man__  
><em>_Behind blue eyes_

_No one knows what it's like__  
><em>_To be hated__  
><em>_To be fated__  
><em>_To telling only lies__  
><em>

It didn't have to be this way, and Will knew it. He could have never met Jem, had fate not brought them together. When Will had left Wales, he had come to London because he was starving and needed a place to sleep. He didn't plan to stay ling and long and had planned to go somewhere else, where no one might know his name. He thought he would stay three months, just to figure out what to do next, but then Jem arrived. Will found himself pitying the poor boy that was just as alone in the world as Will felt he was. Will had stayed for Jem.

_But my dreams__  
><em>_They aren't as empty__  
><em>_As my conscience seems to be__  
><em>_I have hours, only lonely__  
><em>_My love is vengeance__  
><em>_That's never free_

In fits of anger no one ever saw, Will envisioned leaving the Institute. He would go to China and kill the demon who had inflicted this life onto Jem. Even if he perished in his quest to avenge Jem, he would not have died in vain. When Jem suffered, Will suffered. It wasn't fair but then again nothing ever was.

_No one knows what it's like__  
><em>_To feel these feelings__  
><em>_Like I do__  
><em>_And I blame you_

Sometimes, in dark moments, Will blamed Jem, however wrong that may be. If Jem hadn't been so perfect, so sweet, and so innocent, maybe, he wouldn't have been easy to love. But it was wrong to blame Jem. Jem couldn't help his attacks or his addiction. He was helpless in that sense. He didn't mean to dissolve into a seizure whenever his craving for the drug became too severe. Yet, Will resented Jem for it, the way an addict's child resents the parent who was never there. Jem loved Will, he belonged to Will, but then Jem was dying. Will was losing him, and Will couldn't help but hate Jem for the pain he caused them both.

_No one bites back as hard__  
><em>_On their anger__  
><em>_None of my pain and woe__  
><em>_Can show through__  
><em>

Will hated the drug, and the demon, and every negative feeling in his body that always reminded him that Jem's time with him was brief. It was times like these, when Jem was stained with his own blood and so close to death, Will could feel his soul slipping away, that Will thought about starting to scream. He would scream until his throat bled, his jaws became unhinged, and his lungs burned for a breath he would not take. When he finally stopped, he would find every mirror within reach and shatter them all, because he was already cursed with bad luck. How much worse could an eternity of bad luck be? Will would allow himself to fall apart, to truthfully soak in his anger and release it in one long, sustained burst. He would let himself feel everything he otherwise left bottled up and hidden.

_But my dreams__  
><em>_They aren't as empty__  
><em>_As my conscience seems to be__  
><em>_I have hours, only lonely__  
><em>_My love is vengeance__  
><em>_That's never free_

The right thing to do would have been to love Jem now and pretend that he would never die. But that wasn't possible, not when Jem nearly died every other day, it seemed. Jem wouldn't want Will to feel this way, but in these moments, when Jem had nearly drowned in his own blood, it was impossible to not see the end result. Jem was going to die. Will would be left to carry on without him. Will wanted to pretend this wasn't the case but there was no other outcome possible.

_When my fist clenches, crack it open__  
><em>_Before I use it and lose my cool__  
><em>_When I smile, tell me some bad news__  
><em>_Before I laugh and act like a fool__  
><em>

It was a defense mechanism, Will knew. He didn't mean to treat people as awful as he did but he saw no other way. If Charlotte and Henry didn't care for him, his pain would mean nothing to them. If he acted like he didn't care about himself, or anyone else, he would never have to worry about hurting. He wouldn't have to worry about eventually mourning Jem. If everyone hated him in their own way, Will wouldn't have to worry about being loved at all. So Will played the fool. He went out and got drunk and did things to cause others to turn away from the embarrassment he made of himself. It was easier that way, to make others hate him. Anything was easier than to have anyone know how much pain Jem's suffering inflicted on him. What Will needed was a person able to stop him from hemorrhaging pain. He needed someone to help him forget Jem. Walking away from Jem now, and forgetting the feelings they once had for one another was easier than losing him unexpectedly. Will could leave the pain behind himself. He had before.

The bedroom door opened and Tessa walked in, dressed in her pajamas. She said nothing, just walked over and sat beside Will. She put an arm around Will's shoulders and pulled him close. Tessa loved Jem in a way that wasn't clear just yet. She had been with them for such a short time, but Will knew there were feelings between the three of them.

_If I swallow anything evil__  
><em>_Put your finger down my throat__  
><em>_If I shiver, please give me a blanket__  
><em>_Keep me warm, let me wear your coat_

"He'll be alright, yes?" Tessa asked. "He's not going to die tonight?"

"Not tonight," Will said. "Tessa, I…"

"He needs a blanket," Tessa said. She stood up and went to the bureau to retrieve a blanket she then draped over Jem's body. "He'll need to sweat out the fever. Go into the bathroom and get me a wet rag. I want to wash his face."

"He wouldn't want you here," Will said. "He wouldn't you to see this." Jem was as deep in denial as Will was about his injury. The last thing he would want would be to appear weak and incapable in front of Tessa.

"I'm here for you both," Tessa said. "Let me."

Will stood up and went into the bathroom. He dampened a wash cloth with cold water and brought it to Tessa, who pressed it to Jem's forehead. She was so sweet and caring, Will thought that he didn't deserve her. Jem, however, did.

"He'll feel better soon," Tessa said, not bothering to add the words: _he has to, for all of us. _Maybe Tessa understood everything better than Will had expected her to. Maybe she could be the one to make Will smile again.

_No one knows what it's like__  
><em>_To be the bad man__  
><em>_To be the sad man__  
><em>_Behind blue eyes_

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><p><strong>Author's Note: I never knew how challenging song fics could be! I give many props to all of you who write them well. I hope you enjoyed this. Please, let me know what you think!<strong>


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